Aah! You clicked the link and reached the blog! Awesome read
on.
I believe our society is very nosey! Yeah everyone spends a
lot of time and energy trying to understand what someone else is up to.
The newlyweds
barely complete one month anniversary and get asked when they will expand their
family??
In hard core Bambaiya Hindi, ”Abbe tereko ko kya?” is perhaps
what the couple want to say, instead manage a faint smile. But it doesn’t stop
there, time and again some neighbouring aunty, distant in-laws, old maids etc…
continue their torture. You also hear some ‘good old advice’ like oh the child
keeps the family intact, or you need to continue your family name or you need
someone to talk to in your old age etc…
I thought of exploring a few of these reasons of parenthood –
The child keeps the family intact: Really? Has no one heard
of separated parents, single parents etc? The ONLY persons to keep the family
intact are the couple. No one else I repeat no one else can keep the family
intact. Besides in India stories of letting go of the wife because she gave
birth to girls is not really uncommon and I will not digress to that world!
Continue the family name: Does it really matter? Besides, the
constitution of our country permits an adult to choose his or her name. Have we
not heard of actors dropping their surnames or taking on new screen names. So who are we fooling? Besides the least we can do is to
ask the child if they are excited about continuing our surnames. Lest they
belong to a family of criminals, or wanted, or have embarassing surnames etc…
It is so much fun: Fun? Yeah right! Changing diapers about
45 time a day [exaggerated], cleaning vomits, handling a cranky baby all day
long, about 12 to 14 rounds of breast feeds – whosoever counts these as fun
thing? The fun moments are when the baby takes a nap and you can sit on the pot
and finish your job UNDISTURBED! Or relish a ginger tea or get a chance to
dress up in decent attire [provided you still fit in them]. Having a baby
eventually also means having one more person to cook for! Boss take a relook at
your definition of fun.
Child fulfils your desires: Why should the child do anything
like that? The child is an independent, intelligent being, so why exactly should
he or she fulfil your desires; they perhaps have their own! Oh I wanted to be a
dancer but I couldn’t so I want my child to learn dance, OR Oh I didn’t get a
chance to act in the TV so I want my child to act now. WHY????? Give the kid a
breather. The kid is just about trying to understand their environment, learn
new tasks, understand relationship and you want this kid to live your dream?
When will they live their own dream?
Someone to talk to in your old age: You think so? Firstly if
your dentures are intact perhaps you can manage a few words, secondly if the
auditory sense functions well you can probably hear! Now whatsoever makes
anyone think the child will grow up and not have a LIFE? The child will have
their own world, experiences and other responsibilities. Perhaps they will be
busy trying to earn a living inorder to pay EMIS for their houses, cars etc.. Just like you left that child at the day care centre to fulfill your own dreams of financial independence, the child in his/her adulthood will have their dreams to fulfill.
If you have reached to this part of the article then VOLA
congratulations!! Now let me tell you I am not a sarcastic b***h who gets cheap
thrills to breaks the bubble.
I just want to tell you to keep your expectations low and
enjoy the current moment [self talk :) ].
Seriously, while there are the puke and potty accidents
there are also the gurgles, cooing and incessant laughter of the baby that
cannot be got in exchange of anything else in the world.
My kid constantly amazes me, it’s a reminder that miracles
happen!
He came through me; but to think he came for me is a FOLLY!
He is a free spirited individual with his own chalked out
journey. Surely our paths have crossed and will continue to do so as long as we
enhance and help each other’s growth. But dwelling in the past and getting him
to lead my childhood is so so so avoidable.
As parents we have a few responsibilities:
- Fill the child with so much self-love that the child becomes independent, self-reliant and has an amazing intuition power.
- Such that he contributes to the healing with every individual he/she touches.
- Make the child a responsible individual, because once the parents are done the outside world has to deal with them.
- I think its important to display our love for the nation so that they can pick it from us and have a pride for their own nation and can add to its growth.
- Be prepared to learn your lessons from them. Yes they have beautiful things to teach us; if only we are open. [more on this on my next blog post].
- Last and the difficult one - let go of the child. So that the child blooms, explores, experiences and soars to his/her best ability and highest good.
What? You are still with me on this post, superb. Do write
in the comments section below your reasons for parenthood.
And if you are still at that 'planning' stage aah you are at the right place and hopefully will make an informed decision.
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