Whose career is it anyways?

I often hear parents saying that it’s a competitive world. Choice of career and getting into a good stream is tough etc. In this light they pressurise the children as early as 5^th grade. This takes a toll on not just the children but also the entire family. People have a restrictive vision when it comes to career choice, say medicine, engineering, MBA etc. Of late I have come across so many parents talking of career counselling, aptitude test etc. for children as young as 10 years. It completely scares me and makes me wonder if these kids have a childhood at all. First there was the craze of medical and engineering entrance, then came along the IIMs and IITs followed by the latest integrated college; and now the baap of all coaching for the admissions into integrated college. This coaching happens for the children of about 6^th or 7^th grade!

Have we all gone completely nuts? We expect the child to be a super human; go to school, do the school homework, take school tests and also coaching to get into a goddamn integrated college whose future is not really known to many. This not just takes a toll on the kid’s health but I think we are putting together a production unit of zombies!

I see unhealthy competition at various levels. Let’s start with the parents. Parents come in all shapes and sizes:

•  The ambitious parent: Parents unfortunately want their children to fulfil their own long lost dreams. In this pursuit pressurise the child.
• Then is the case of ‘me too’ parent: This parent is thoroughly confused in the core. They just follow other parents. Be it in the choice of extra-curricular classes, the choice of coaching classes or tuition or the choice of college for their own children.
• Family prestige parent: There are some parents who want to keep up their family tradition of having doctors or engineers etc in the family. Such parents think if their children do not become doctors or engineers then the children are big losers. They also equate the child’s academic success to their own pride and intelligence. “If my child doesn’t get admissions for medicine or engineering how can I face the world”
•  The stressed parent: This category of parents are forever on the back foot. If someone else’s child does well, they fear that their child is not up to the mark. If their child scores a little below the ‘best’ students they beat themselves [and the child] to death. Basically everything is linked to their personal failure.
• The cool parent: These parents read a lot of child psychology, parenting books and belong to the parenting pop culture. Yes there seems to have a pop culture. In this style of parenting 'trend' tops the priority list. They go to any extent to seem 'cool' ranging from a hands off parent to a crazy parent who buys every possible gadget for the child.
• The monied parent: Yes there are some parents who believe that spending large monies is a guarantee to the childs academic success. They chose the most expensive school, the most expensive mode of transport for the child the most expensive tuitions etc. Without thinking about the necessity of such expenses. To them their duty is done if they select the ‘most expensive’ options. Often times these are the new rich parents.

The above is not a yardstick of a classification. Parents tend to move from one category to another from time to time or topic to topic. Depending upon each person’s sore points.

I am a slightly liberal parent when it comes to the matter of studies. I take up any available ‘easy’ option. So once during a discussion an irate parent retorted “toa you want your child to put up a ‘thella’ [Hindi for food stall]? I thought about it for a split second and said: “why not? All I want is for my child to be happy! If a thella makes him happy, I see no harm in it. Besides, the ‘thellawallas’ earn large amounts.

So all in all people have skewed notions about success and they have mixed it with the earning capacity of an individual.  Ideally success is a personal thing. Each to their own. For some being able to see the world is success, for other taking care of home and family is success. And each is correct in their own right!

So; good people but confused parents I want to leave you with some food for thought. In today’s world there are many career options available viz: teaching, acting, modelling, home business, coaching, sports, photography, PR, digital media, film making, direction, publishing, youtubing, blogging, painting, crafting, animation, farmer, naturopath, travel agent, realty broking, exhibition organiser, singer, flautist, script writer, author, stage artist, production unit, pre production unit, post production unit, digital editing, dress designing, hair dressing, interior designing, reselling of garments and articles, fitness coach, food and nutrition, carpentry, tailoring, international language specialist, bureaucrat, politician, armed forces, and IPS etc. are just a few of many available option.

My humble submission is let the child explore and arrive at his/her own decision. Support them and thereby become their strength! Teach them that whatever they do follow through is important. Get them to believe life is simple and they can achieve whatever they want with some support. From my own life I wish to teach my child whatever we plan may not always succeed so have a plan B. Basically live life in awareness, sure go with the flow but don’t follow a herd blindly.

My ideas may seem ambitious at the moment. But its ONLY those who DREAM it who ACHIEVE it.

I wish to end with the serenity prayer. God give me the Serenity to accept things that I cannot change; COURAGE to change things that I can change and above all grant me the WISDOM to know the difference.